That thing I was meant to do

When I was in eighth grade over three decades ago, I had a singular moment which I have recalled over those decades and continues to haunt me. At the time I had decided to take an English Literature course with one of the more, shall we say, eccentric teachers at my conservative, small-town Indiana Catholic school. This was a school of no more than 1000 students, where I ended up as one of the top 10 in my senior graduating class. Most of the other top students decided to take Honors English Literature, with a teacher feared for her tough assignments and grading. Something though, turned me off about taking that class, and instead I took normal English Lit, with Mr. T, who in looking back, came out of the classic vaudeville tradition. He was a showman; an actor; an Elizabethan anachronism. Our efforts to decipher his past was met with the fog of memories: he had been married… then his wife died… was it a fire?… or something more sinister? Of course he was terribly witty, and somehow had a way of connecting with most of the kids in class with his repartee and humorous barbs. Looking back at how he taught, it demonstrated techniques that today are still cutting-edge: using classic movies and contemporary works to engage students to connect with ancient works by Chaucer and Shakespeare. Oh and lest I forget, he also claimed with tremendous veracity that he was a psychic. A real psychic. One who could tell the future.

So one day in class, I was just going about my business in class when I happened to overhear my teacher talking to another student about something which I don’t remember. Along the way, I distinctively heard him say “that Smithivas kid, he’s going to do something with himself”. Don’t recall if those were the exact words, but you get the drift. For the rest of my time in high school I never went up to him to ask if he had really said that, or what he meant by it, but it’s something which has stayed with me, even 30 years later. What exactly was he suggesting? Remember, this guy was a psychic. He knew the future. Did he see something cool in my future?

Fast forward 30 years into the future. It’s now October 2013 and I find myself at a crossroads. I’ve been a stay at home parent for the last seven years, having left my job at a cushy institution of higher learning for the luxury of entertaining a toddler (or two) for the most part of a day while my wife works to bring home the bacon. Both my kids are now in school full-time so now’s the time to transition back into the work world, but have you seen the economy lately? There’s not a lot out there, especially for an unemployed forty-something who hasn’t pulled down a W2 form for years. Frankly, it’s depressing. Even the Starbucks type jobs aren’t really a draw, mostly because while my kids are in school full-time, there are still enough in-service days, holidays, report card pickup days, lunchroom volunteer / field trip / book fair type school-related activities to keep me from taking jobs which require a lot of schedule juggling. Plus there aren’t many jobs which the boss will let you cut out at 3PM so you can meet your kids at the bus stop.

Over the decades, I’ve held a lot of different jobs. Back in the late 90's, I was caught up in the dot com bubble. We were all young and excited to be the next Pets.com or Friendster stock option millionaires. Maybe that’s what my teacher was prophesizing: that I was to be the next Mark Zuckerberg or Jeff Bezos, becoming a captain of the tech vanguard. My careers have always taken the road less traveled. I switched majors in college from engineering to liberal arts. Like most liberal arts graduates, I didn’t really have a plan when I moved to Chicago after graduation. I worked for various small companies in administrative roles, then gambled on some of my own entrepreneurial ventures. Finally I stumbled into the tech world and things seemed to be on the upswing financially. Then came the dot com collapse. I took some time off, got married, and began working in the non-profit sector working with disadvantaged youth. Those were some of my most fulfilling years. Eventually I took an administrative job at a local university.

I guess if my teacher’s psychic foreshadowing means anything, it might be that I’m starting to realize what I really was meant to do. I’ve invested a lot of personal time looking into innovative education practices and what schools could be like if we took away all the bureaucratic B.S. and government mandates. There is the possibility of real joy and learning in education. I’ve seen it with my kids and I hope one day all children will learn and grow in the same way.

That thing I was meant to do. It’s elusive. I have to keep reaching for it. Maybe I will find out the answer some day.