Nice For What?
On creative constraints
I decided to take time this weekend and look through the last 10+ years of writing and blogging archived on this site. I needed some insight so I could journal about the limits and internal barriers keeping me from advancing my creative projects.
2013:
About eight years ago, I quit my full-time job to become a stay-at-home parent. It was a decision I’ll never regret, and the memories of watching my kids grow and become little persons of their own is something I’ll cherish forever. But now the little tykes are in school full-time now, and I’ve got the itch to jump-start my career and get back into the world of paid gigs. I’ve been feeling this way since last year, which is why that particular resolution made it onto my list.
and
That thing I was meant to do
When I was in eighth grade over three decades ago, I had a singular moment which I have recalled over those decades and continues to haunt me. At the time I had decided to take an English Literature course with one of the more, shall we say, eccentric teachers at my conservative, small-town Indiana Catholic school. This was a school of no more than 1000…
2016:
So, I’ve been a bit depressed. And grumpy too, if you ask my wife and kids. Out of this gloomy funk, you can maybe see why year-end festivities have somewhat turned around for me. Rather than seeing optimism and possibility, I now see 2016 as another year of unemployment. Another year of schlepping the kids from school to choir to playdates to birthday parties to camps and back. My gravestone will say “he schlepped his kids around”.
Drake Energy
Work at 8 a.m., finish 'round five Hoes talk down, you don't see 'em outside Yeah, they don't really be the same offline You know dark days, you know hard times Doin' overtime for the last month Saturday, call the girls, get 'em gassed up
Gotta hit the club, gotta make that ass jump Gotta hit the club like you hit them mothafuckin' angles With your phone out, snappin' like you Fabo And you showin' off, but it's alright And you showin' off, but it's alright (alright!) It's a short life
-Drake, Nice for What
It’s been a year for the rapper. Drake’s kind of taken a heel turn lately, suing his label, arguably losing a beef with fellow rapper Kendrick Lamar, and falling into the category of musicians trying to stay relevant. I guess it keeps him visible.
At the end of the day, one of my constraints is that I want to be liked by people. Trying to become more visible seems to also come with the increasing likelihood of being criticized by others, or inadvertently hurting some people’s feelings. For example, I might be making headway on a project and need to cast actors for a movie. Given my own struggles with applying for, and then getting rejected from jobs, the thought of rejecting someone for a role is something I’d truly like to avoid. I’m a people pleaser (less so these days as I get older and DGAF) but at the core, getting negative feedback isn’t something I find pleasing.
I guess I’m still in my feelings.